How to Stop Overthinking
Product Review - My Own Brain (★☆☆☆☆)
Verified Purchase: [REDACTED] Years Ago
Honestly, very disappointed. The “Quick Decision” function has never worked—it takes longer than the length of a movie to pick one. The sleep mode is faulty; it keeps running full system diagnostics at 3 AM about conversations from the past.
Memory storage is weird too—it can’t remember why I walked into a room, but vividly recalls every embarrassing moment from Year 7. Overheats when asked to “chill,” and crashes when I try to remember a new person’s name.
Would not recommend.
Section 1: The Department of Hypothetical Catastrophes
Your brain is not just an organ; it is a bloated government bureaucracy. Specifically, it is the Department of Hypothetical Catastrophes, and it is vastly overfunded.
This department treats a minor decision (lunch) like a UN Security Council summit with veto powers.
You try to sleep, but the Department slides a memo under the door: “Urgent: Review required. Did you wave at that person, or were they waving at the person behind you? Opening full investigation.”
There is no oversight. The employees are incompetent but refuse to be fired. And worst of all, you are paying for all of this with your sanity.
Section 2: The Phantom Oven Crisis
Let us observe the Overthinker (Homo Neuroticus) in its natural habitat.
The subject has driven 3.2 kilometers from home when the thought strikes: “Did I turn off the oven?”
Never mind that no cooking has occurred in 48 hours. Never mind that the oven is electric and has an automatic shutoff. The Overthinker’s survival mechanism demands immediate verification.
Observe how it now constructs an elaborate disaster scenario involving the cat, a tea towel, and a call from the insurance company explaining that “Negligence Clause 4B” excludes kitchen fires caused by imaginary baking.
Fascinating. The car is turning around.
Section 3: System Overload
Sometimes, it’s not a department or an oven. It’s just a tech support issue.
Your brain has too many tabs open. You are trying to listen to a podcast, answer an email, and worry about the geopolitical state of the world simultaneously.
System Status:
- CPU Usage: 110% (Thinking about thinking)
- RAM: 99% (Holding onto too many cringe memories from the past)
- Background Processes:
anxiety.exe(Running since startup) - Network: Searching for “how to be normal”
You attempt a simple task.
Loading decision… 1%… 1%… Error 404: Confidence not found.
The Todo list has everything marked urgent. Nothing is actionable,
Force quit required.
What Actually Works (The Boring Truth)
Okay, the comedy writers have been escorted from the building. Here is the boring truth about how to actually turn the volume down.
1. The “Pattern Interrupt” (Manual Reboot)
When your brain is spinning like a washing machine with a brick in it, you need to physically jar it back to reality.
- The 5-4-3-2-1 Thing: Force your brain to switch from “internal panic” to “external boring reality.” Name 5 things you see (a lamp, a cat, a stain), 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste. It’s hard to spiral about the future when you’re aggressively focusing on the texture of your carpet.
- Physical Shock: Splash cold water on your face. Do ten star jumps in the kitchen. Physically change rooms. Your brain often leaves its worries in the previous room, like a forgotten cup of tea.
- Say “STOP” Out Loud: Literally. Say it. “STOP.” Or “NOT NOW, BARRY.” (Naming your anxiety “Barry” helps because Barry is an accountant from Slough, not a monster).
2. Fact-Checking Your Own Brain
Your brain is a liar. It is a sensationalist tabloid journalist looking for clicks.
- Fact vs. Story: Ask: “Is this a Fact, or a Story I’m telling myself?”
- Fact: I haven’t heard back from them.
- Story: They hate me, I have failed, and I should move to a cave.
- Stick to the facts. The story is just bad fiction.
- The “So What?” Drill: Follow the catastrophe to the end. “Okay, let’s say I did say the wrong thing. Then what? They think I’m awkward. Then what? Life goes on.” Usually, the “worst case” is just “mildly uncomfortable,” not “death.”
3. Structural Maintenance
- The 10-10-10 Rule: For decision paralysis (like the Phantom Oven Crisis), ask:
- How will I feel about this in 10 minutes?
- How will I feel about this in 10 months?
- How will I feel about this in 10 years?
- Result: You will realize that nobody cares about your sandwich choice in 2035.
- Schedule “Worry Time”: This sounds stupid, but it works. Tell your brain: “We are not doing this now. We have a meeting scheduled for 5:00 PM to panic about the future.” When 5:00 PM comes, sit down and worry as hard as you can for 15 minutes. Usually, by the time you get there, you’ve forgotten what you were worried about.
4. Optimize the Hardware
- Get it out of RAM (memory): Write it down. Your brain treats “Buy milk” and “What is the meaning of life?” with the exact same level of panic because they are both taking up RAM. When it’s on paper, it looks small and manageable.
- Information Diet: If you are scrolling through global catastrophes at 8 AM, you are poisoning the well. Put the phone down. Go look at a tree. Trees are very calm. They never worry about email.
Recommended Resources
Are You Tired of Making Decisions in Under 6 Hours? Try OVER-THINK PRO! (Just kidding. Please do not try that.)
Instead, try these resources to help you actually chill out:
- “The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking” by Oliver Burkeman – A different perspective about how trying to be “positive” usually makes us miserable, and how embracing uncertainty is the real answer.
The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
- Leuchtturm1917 Notebook – The best hardware for “getting it out of RAM.” High-quality paper for high-quality panics.
LEUCHTTURM1917 - Notebook Hardcover Medium A5-251 Numbered Pages for Writing and Journaling
- Noise Cancelling Headphones – Sometimes you just need to mute the world so you can hear yourself think (or preferably, not think).
Soundcore by Anker Q20i Hybrid Active Noise Cancelling Headphones, Wireless Over-Ear Bluetooth
Disclosure: Links may be affiliate links. We use the proceeds to fund the Department of Hypothetical Catastrophes’ tea budget.
Closing Transmission
They say you can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it. This is especially true when that mind is currently running on zero sleep, three espressos, and mild panic. You’re not “strategising,” you’re just haunting your own house.
If you are reading this and spiraling, take a breath. The oven is off. The text was fine. The Department of Hypothetical Catastrophes is closed for the weekend.
Go to sleep.
